A clear(unclear) glass half filled with water

A clear(unclear) glass half filled with water

Days aren't any unfamiliar. At times confusingly bright but normally eclipsed by the dark chunks of clouds. I am standing at the door of our flat. We are four staying together sharing the flat. All the others are sleeping.

Last night was a long friday night. We brought a bottle full of vodka. Music was playing in the player. I looked at the faces of all of us. We all were drowned in music occasionally tasting the drink in the half filled glasses lying before each one of us. And I looked at him. I know that he was in love with someone when we were in college and then the girl got married with someone else. No questions asked... no answers told... Friends say he's the same ever since that happened. Drowned in the smoke of the countless cigarettes, listening to the music which can make anyone's soul cry, looking though the clear glass of vodka, maybe searching for some vividness which can soothe his soul, emptying the unseen tears in him by closing his eyes.

Whenever we drink I see her in his eyes. I don't know how she looks like but his eyes tell me that she is the most beautiful and adorable woman in this whole world. And his eyes are convincing enough for me to believe in this. Every time we drink, we are the same... singing together, playing cards, laughing, discussing life, celebrating happiness sharing discomfort.

********
Seasons change. This time, sun is surprisingly bright, shining gloriously up above the bright blue sky. Don't know what day it is but it is morning and I am standing at the same door of the same flat. I like standing at the door. Inside the door the life is my life... My way of living. Outside it is the world which doesn't care who I am. I find it amusing to be at the interface of life where I can keep in touch with both the layers in me.

All the others are sleeping except for him. He's sitting outside. I can see a familiar strange smile on his face while he's talking on phone. Yes the smile is strange, whenever our soul smiles, the effect is inconceivable by the eyes...it is rather felt by the mind. And I can feel it. Few days back when I was coming back from patna, I got the news that he got engaged. And now I see him happy, complete and coming back to life. He has stopped drinking. His tears have probably transformed into an ocean inside him. And he seems to be riding the highest tide in it, confident, shining and happy. I looked at my shadow on the floor. I can see the outlines of the stretched corners of my face in them. I am smiling... and it seems familiar and strange.

********
Days perhaps are normally like this. I am not looking at the sun but perhaps it rained very heavily last night. I am standing at the same door of our flat. All the others are sleeping. He started his bike and smiled me a goodbye, without waiting for an answer he sped away. I tried my best to see something strange about this smile. I tried my best to relate this smile with something. All the others are sleeping. We had gone to pub last night. Light was dim but I could easily see through him. He has started drinking again. It's been two months since he got married and he's about to get divorced. The girl he has married is schizophrenic. Besides that only thing what matters is her last statement before she left him.

"I shouldn't have married you".

He was talking with someone in me. His words mixed with the music were hitting me straight in the mind. Every single word sounded like a new awakening, a new realization. a new drop of his tears.

And I saw him close his eyes to search for more unseen tears to empty. He was trying to look through the unclear mug of beer searching for just nothing and then he said.

"Its been enough now".

I was growing restless by the unfamiliarity and plainness of the smile on his face. Music had no religion this time. It was just a solvent, meant to mix just anything it passed through... the white smoke of countless cigarettes, the meaningless talks mixed in the air, the meaningful looks exchanged across the table and the unconvincing decision he had just declared...

Its been enough now.

I turned to look outside the window. It was raining heavily. I looked around and then settled on my chair in the direction of the window. From between the meshes created by the branches of the tree outside, I could see the dark black sky. Occasionally changing the color to violet influenced by the lightening.

I closed my eyes.

The last thing I wanted was to open them.