Its not about the Race

Its not about the Race

I was lying on my bed. Almost naked. My whole body was covered with sweat. Breathing was rapid, my whole body was burning and all I needed was water.

We had an Adventure Club Mob run on Wednesday. I was very excited. At 4:15 sharp I was near the NTB ready for the run. Seniors told us that it was just a warm up run for the awaited Adventure Club selection run. All we had to do was to run two rounds of campus (3.5 to 4 kms). In the selection run we have to run 3 rounds and come in top 30. I was ready for it. I had never in the past measured the total distance I had run at a time but I have run roughly 4 kms few months back. So this should be pretty ok is what I felt. As a backup plan I had my will power that I had to do it. No matter what happens. I was feeling slightly thirsty but had a feeling that I would not be good to stuff water in my stomach before running.

The run started and by the end of half a round I felt it was going nice. By the time I reached faculty house area I started feeling pain on one side of my lungs. This is the worst thing that can happen when you are running. I remembered my friends words that keep running and it will go away. I kept running. One round completed. I was thirsty. But I had to run. I was still in the group of fastest runners. I looked back and noticed that half of us had disappeared. I kept running. And then I found myself getting slower. Within no time I noticed that the front runners were about to disappear at the turn 100 m away. I stopped running. And in a sudden split second I felt that I was about to faint. I stretched my eyes wide open. I could see a senior trying to cheer me up in the front. I was breathing heavily. My head was rolling over and over.

And then I thought this cant be it. have to complete this. I have to have courage to complete one more. I have the will to do it. And I pushed my mind to run. The body did not respond. This was the first time I felt that I needed something beyond the will I have. I needed the skill, the practice maybe. But this was no time to think about it all. I had to complete the run. I gave myself one more push and found myself running. I ran and ran. I could see the front runners 200 m ahead of me. I gave my self a push and covered some gap. I was near the howrah bridge
. I was so dizzy that I had to make effort to keep my eyes open. I tried to spit but couldn't. My throat was dry. I stopped running. By now I had lost the front runners completely. There were 2-3 people to be seen behind me. Maybe the others have stopped running. Maybe I should also stop. Maybe I cant do it. And then a sudden feeling of compulsion came that I should do it. Not because I wanted to but because I had to. It was a sudden feeling of self betrayal if I backed out which gave me one last final push. I started running again. And I ran the final stretch without stopping. On reaching NTB, I collapsed in the stairs.

I sat there head down for a minute. People were talking about the run and the main race. I couldn't join them.
I just walked past them towards my room. I came to my room almost crawling. I opened the room, locked the door from inside and collapsed in the bed. Only thing I could think of was that I was not going to participate in the race. It was not my cup of tea. I had realized one thing today. It takes more than just will power to achieve a goal. And I lacked it. It being the practice.

After 5 minutes my breathing stabilized but the sweating continued. I drank some water. And in next 5 minutes finished the whole bottle. And one strange thought struck my mind. For the last six month or so I have never taken any goal seriously. I have grown more laid back than ever. The times I used to be very energetic about activities surprise me.

And I thought that this was my one chance to revive myself. I will run in the race and will practice for it. Yesterday I geared up and ran around the campus with 2 of my friends. They stopped in half a round and I completed the first round non stop. Couldn't go today as I had classes whole day and now I have to fill up forms for the Clubs. But will sure continue with it tomorrow.

I have to do it this time... Whatever it takes.