The Rust

The Rust

I can see it on my face, on my mind, on my heart and all over my palm.

Its all rusted. A thick layer of depletion of my own covering me to protect me. When initially I saw it forming on me, I grew mad at it. Maybe because it used to hurt a lot. Or maybe because it was covering my true self. I had a fear of losing myself forever. But one day I realized that its not changing me, Its just covering me. I allowed it to cover me. It covered me completely and grew thicker. And one day it stopped hurting. The rust had formed and covered me completely to stop rusting more and to save me from getting hurt.

I loved it. I still love it. A layer of colorless, invisible rust all over my body and my soul at the cost of some part of me but saving me from scratches. And no-one can see it.

I grew happiest the day it survived the biggest scratch. It did dust off a bit, but kept covering me.

It keeps me happy, it keeps me protected.

But you know what, sometimes it seems to be very heavy. I don't grow sad cause it doesn't let me but I do feel tired. I step outside to walk under the moon or just doze off.

All those times, it makes me feel numb, sleepy. Same thing happened a few days back. And I had to hit the sack before my normal sleeping time. I was feeling so sleepy that I completed the replies to a friend's sms between 3-4 quick naps.

After about half an hour when I was in deep sleep, I got a phone call. I missed the first call. And in the second call I picked up the phone.

How does it feel to witness someone's broken relationship.

Bad?

And how does it feel to live through someone's freshly shattered relationship. Someone who has been as close to u as u yourself are.

I was awakened by a deep shock. I was wordless. I didn't know what to say. I was finding the original self to answer. The one who was somewhere inside under the thick layer of rust.

And suddenly I spoke up. I spoke a lot. Can't remember what all I spoke but I could create words which soothed him. After the call I went back to my bed. I had lost the sleep. I tried to sleep for 10 mins. Then I switched the light on, and sat on the chair. Yes the scratch had dusted off rust to uncover one part of me. I could see it, feel it, sense it. I sat for 2-3 hours, doing nothing but waiting for rust to form again.

And when I was covered again, I switched off the light, and caught the sleep within 5 mins.

I am happy to find the rust back, though I understood that its just temporary. One deep scratch at the right place and it will go off completely.

Thankfully the rust doesn't let me dread that day.

I just stay happy and cheerful without having to pretend about it.