My Life

My Life

I've been thinking about my past for last few days.

Somedays back when I was talking home, on something which came up, my father told me "Hum to tum logon ko acche se padha likha nahi paaye".

And I was like total dumbstruck. I mean... what made you feel so papa. You've given the best education we could have had, not just academic but moral too. Maybe we were not economically sound to finance everything. But look at our cousins, we've shined the best... and all because of you.

And now when I look back, I remember all those small inexpensive for others but priceless for me kind of moments I've had in childhood.

I always used to ask mummy why don't we have refrigerator why don't we have sofas like others, and mummy used to say, they have their income from parental property besides their salary. We have responsibilities, a house to build, your sister to marry. And I used to say, when I grow up, we'll make more money to fulfill all our needs. She used to give me examples of a guy named Lokesh Gupta from the locality who passed out of IIT and was making lots of money. And I told her that when I grow up, I want to become an engineer.

On the day our results were declared, Papa used to buy us parle Poppins (a roll of candies, 10 in one priced at Re 1), and he used to declare that out of three of us (bhaiya, didi and I) we'll get the share according to the rank we have (5pcs, 3pcs and 2 pcs in decreasing order of marks). And I used to get 5. I remember once my sister was crying in the backyard that she got only two and I gave her one and half of mine to bring smile back on her face.

And when Papa used to bring his salary, Rs 1600 after all the savings and deductions, Mummy used to prepare a budget. We were asked what all are our stationery and academic needs. I remember mummy somehow managed to create funds for World Atlas after repetitive requests of bhaiya. And I was very jealous. I never got new books or for that matter new school uniform. All the books used to come to me after going through bhaiya and didi and I always used to cry about it. I used to ask mummy why the shirt of other guys shine so much. I used to see whether mummy puts extra neel in my shirt or not to make it look brighter.

The day my bhaiya had got his new bicycle, he rode it all around the colony for no reasons, just to express his happiness. Now I don't understand how mummy and papa had managed funds for it. My sister always used to ask mummy for a doll with movable hands and legs. All her friends had such dolls. Finally one day she got a doll worth rupees 25 after crying in the middle of Palika Bazaar in delhi with everyone throwing a not-so-friendly stare at us. My mom gave her a good one that day for all that embarrassment in the middle of market, yet when mom was finished venting out, my sister gave me a smile... after all, she finally had the doll. All this becomes fresh in my mind when I see the remains of that doll whenever I go home.

When we moved to patna, our house was under construction. And the financial compromises continued. Mummy told us that we were lucky to get enrolled in Kendriya Vidyalaya. I still remember the Rs 5 per month fees. Else it wasn't possible for us to afford a CBSE board education. And then came the time of bhaiya's IIT JEE preparation and he said that he can't spend his time monitoring house construction. Under immense pressure and no guidance he started his preparations which failed badly. Lots of his friends moved to Karnataka for doing engineering. Mummy told him to fill up the form for exam but he declined. He knew of our financial condition.

When I was in class 9th bhaiya was preparing for JEE. Papa had opened a small general store to support the finances. I used to sit there before papa came from office. I used to do all my studies sitting in there. I remember few of my classmates teased me when they learnt of this. And once one regular customer asked me:

Padhte nahi ho kya tum. Hamesha yehin par dikhte ho.

I remember I cried that day. And my mummy consoled me. Though she knew of all the pressure I was going through. She was also helpless. And then my mom told papa to shut down the shop and give it on rent to someone if not as a shop then atleast as a lodge room. Papa closed it down. I was happiest that day. Though our finances grew a little tighter from then.

I've been lucky to have bhaiya. I remember the day I finished off my 10th exam, he sat with me and explained me the plan he had drafted for me for my JEE preparation. And I listened to every single word he said. I filled up all the forms he suggested. I took all the tutions he suggested. I even studied whatever subject he suggested me to on a particular day. I reported to him the status of all I did.

I fell severely ill after class 10th examination. Doctor reported that my kidneys have gone bad and need to be replaced. All knew of this except for me. This could have been a downturn for whole of my family. All the money saved for my sister's marriage and bhaiya's studies could have gone into my treatment. And a kidney...

Was it a blessing of god. Oh yes it was... Looking at my deteriorating situation, my father consulted IGIMS Patna. One week later we discovered that the report was wrong. There was nothing wrong with my kidneys. It was just some form of Hepatitis. I wasn't all fine, but I could get completely healthy after a proper treatment. IGIMS was some 15kms from our house. And I remember how with a fever of 103-104 degrees, I used to go with papa and mummy on our scooter under the scorching sun of May. We couldn't afford convenient medium of travel. But within a month my conditions improved drastically and I could walk around the house all by myself. I still remember the name of the medicine, it was Sivylar 140 mg.

And after that days started to grow better. My sister improved a lot on her studies... so much as to become a second topper from one time promoted passer (one subject flunked, two would have been fail). I cleared some state engineering exams. And finally REE(Roorkee entrance exam...). I cried the whole 2 days when I couldn't clear IIT JEE and stopped crying only when I got to know that I had cleared REE. I wanted to take JEE again but financial reasons stopped me from doing so. I don't regret any bit though. University of Roorkee was converted into an IIT in 2001. And I passed out of IIT Roorkee.

This was the biggest upturn for our family. I was almost settled with limited financial requirement and guaranteed future. And then things started to turn greener. My bhaiya cracked CET maharastra with an excellent AIR35 . And he was also well positioned. Sister got married, with a good natured and loving husband. It gives me such a great relief when I see respect for her in his eyes.

Few days back one friend's friend asked me Are you also from St. Michaels. I answered in negative and thought, Michaels... I couldn't even dream of it. I don't know why I became so conscious of it all. Perhaps because I am in that state of mind these days.

I was chatting with a friend and when I told her about my IIM Indore waiting status, she said...

I don't understand why people waste their time preparing for JEE or CAT... When they should actually be having fun and enjoying the best phase of their life.

And yesterday I was just clicking through the blogs out here, I read in someone's blog that she laughs at the 2-3 year dropout uncles who still prepare for JEE wasting their time.

It's not wasting the time you know... It's actually waiting for their time.

I was lucky at that. Not everyone is lucky.

-dreamer